Diacritiques

The Guardian editorialist who writes under the pen-name Smallweed recently had to wrestle with the poetics of the Pennines. The reason was the following (true or pretended) letter to the editor he received:

Dear Mr Smallweed, Debate is raging in the letters pages about whether ‘Pennine’ is a spondee or a trochee. Surely the easiest way to settle this matter is to find the corresponding sponder or trocher and establish whether ‘Pennine’ has been troched or sponded? Yours, Luke Howard.